優秀作文精析

多少年來，大家一直都是在當學生寫作文，今天就換一個角色，當一回老師判作文，這可絕非僅僅尋求感覺的刺激！最重要的是，我們要用上面講的高分作文的評判標準和差作文的劣跡表現，分別對一篇漫畫考題的高、低分實考樣卷進行評判打分，然後“對症下藥”、“量體裁衣”，才有出奇的效果啊！

As every thread of gold is valuable, so every moment of time.

一寸光陰一寸金。

作文實例：

Directions:

Study the following drawing carefully and write an essay in which you should

終點又是新起點

1) describe the drawing,

2) interpret its meaning, and

3) support your view with example.

You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

高分作文：

The cartoon depicts a vivid picture in which an athlete, dripping sweat, is rushing to the end. Obviously, he wins the match, but this is not the key message conveyed by the picture. The most striking feature of the drawing is that the same line is marked as both “the start” and “the end”, which indicates that although the athlete came to the finish, a new race is waiting for him.

The idea conveyed by the cartoon is apparent: the end is a new start. It is widely accepted that we should not be satisfied with the present achievement, for nowadays new challenges and competition never stop. The market economy and competitive society drives many people studying hard for higher academic degrees, some of them even seeking the opportunities to study abroad. We should spare no efforts improving ourselves, master high technology and professional skills. Then we can make use of it to devote ourselves to society.

Take my father as an example. He was denied higher education for historical reasons. But by self?study he became a technician in a factory. Many people thought he was content. But he never stopped studying. He took courses of law in his spare time. Later he became a lawyer. “The finishing point is just a new starting point”, he said to me. （219 words）

該文在閱卷中獲得18分（滿分20分）的好成績，是有原因的。內容切題，表達清楚，語義連貫，最大的特點是句式富有變化，基本功紮實。文章的第一句，作者就用了定語從句、分詞結構兩種形式，使閱卷人眼前一亮，接下來分析圖畫的寓意，也很簡潔到位。最後一段的舉例也是一個亮點，運用父親不斷學習的事例來進一步論證觀點，具體而貼切，不落俗套。另外，句子結構和用詞正確，但也有個別錯誤，如上文第二段標出的“master”與“improve”並列，套用“mastering”的形式，但畢竟“瑕不掩瑜”。

低分作文：

All things in their being are good for something.

天生我才必有用。The place of end point is also the starting point. From the picture, we can see a young man who is running toward the end point, it?s very clearly to show that every one of us must effort and can?t stop for the aim of us in the fierce competition society. As we all know, firstly, a young man who study and work in the modern society need have a spirit of to study hard and activity, to keep a good situation and position.

For instance, this year is my ninth year after when I graduated, after nine years, I?m always felling need to continue study to improve my knowledge of major. because, this society developing is so rapidly, if I can?t catch more knowledge of now about my major, I will can?t keep the continous developing society. So I think, personally, It?s like the sportman of the picture that only continue to run and effort toward the place of end point, that is necessary to young people in the society.

In summary, my final conclusion is only to continue running toward end place and the place is also a new stating for another aim, only so. It?s a spirit of all young people. although the road is very hardship. but this is very important to us. (216 words)

這篇文章得分6分，遠遠低於及格分12分，可能作者還有點“委屈”，“我的字數也符合要求，也是三段，也有舉例，也有分析，為什麼這么不公平呢？”其實，文章雖然基本包括了題目所要求的內容，但條理不清，語言錯誤很多，其中很多是嚴重的錯誤，如文中用黑體標記出的地方。

怎么樣？通過對漫畫考題的高、低分實考樣卷進行研讀，你是不是對自己的作文檔次有了一個初步的估計？對自己今後在寫作方面的發展方向有了一個清楚的認識？能做到這一點，你今天的學習就達標了。